“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” ~ Mahatma GandhiI have been going through so many changes lately, it is hard to stop and think about just what has lead me to be so driven to do them. Granted, I could say things like it will be good for my family, for my son, for blah blah blah blah...
In all honesty, it's because it's good for me. For once in my life, I am making efforts to do things for myself and for no other reason. I haven't been happy -- and I don't mean with life in general. In general, I love my life, but their are aspects of it that bring me down. Parts of it that I wish were different somehow.
I know I have the will, the strength, the courage to accomplish everything I have set myself up towards. I know there will be times that I will stumble on the cracks in the way. I just truly hope that those I love and have supported through hard times in the past will be there to do the same for me now.
Most of all... I hope I have the grace to be able to accept the ups and downs that will come over the next few years. In the short term, there will be times where I will not feel like I lost the weight I need to, or that I slacked in areas that I shouldn't have. I hope I have that grace to forgive myself for the stumbling here and there. In the long term, I hope I will see that it was through my own will that I will gave the Grace to love and appreciate myself in a new way.
It's time... before the kids get older... before I want to be to every football game, every spelling bee, every school play... before I want to sit beside them as they work on their algebra homework, to do all of the things I feel like I was somehow left out from. Now is the time... so that then I can be the Mother and Wife I have always been meant to be.
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