And So it Comes

"It is not so much for it's beauty that the forest makes a claim upon men's hearts, as for that subtle something, that quality of air that emanation from old trees, that so wonderfully changes and renews a weary spirit." ~Robert Louis Stevenson

As the year 2013 slowly fades out of existence, I look back onto the hours, days, weeks, and months that have gone by. I have taken a look back and considered what it means to look forward. Over the next few weeks, people will set resolutions or goals for themselves and look at it as a means to finding a new path. Is that not what the New Year is about? Surely, we can make every moment count rather than wait until the passing of another turn around the sun.

The last few years I have set goals and resolutions that have been entirely about cleaning up my life. Be it cleaning out the closet of my "old shirts" or separating myself from old pains, I have been trying to cleanse my life for this sense of peace I've been longing for. I have been slowing down to take in the moments, the blessings, the honor of being gifted with the life I have, even with the tribulations and trials which comes with it.

I don't know why this year is any different, but I don't feel the need to set a resolution for myself. I have goals, of course, but nothing so significant it needs a declaration of the year. I want to find my happy. Not the "oh, this chocolate makes me happy" but a place where peace and warmth find me and hold me close. But that isn't something you can set into a resolution. I'm not looking to set a goal of I will lose "___ pounds this year". It seems silly, it never worked before, why not just aim to have a happier and healthier life? 

I think instead I will simply aim to find my way through the next year, find myself within the labels and hats I wear and find a place that is simply: Kim. It seems like a noble and lofty goal, to find oneself amongst all the hussle-bussel that is our lives anymore. But... here are some of those things I hope to do to find that place within myself again:

• Take up hiking
• Take up running
• Take the boys out to catch frogs
• Take the boys to where I grew up
• Teach the boys how to climb trees
• Smile more
• Laugh even more
• Hug more
• Cry more
• Read in the woods (I used to do this all the time)
• Picnic
• Eat Healthier
• Save Money
• Take Trips
• Become one with nature
• Start painting again
• Start writing again
• Sleep more
• Simply enjoy the simplicity of life

It is funny, all of these things, and more, I still find solace in the earth under my feet -- so why don't I walk without my shoes more often? I used to find peace within the quiet rustle of trees, the warmth of the sunlight, and the feel of the breeze -- where did that go? I used laugh without restraint, love without walls, and embrace without fear -- what happened? Somewhere along the line I lost Kim. And perhaps none of those things will still be part of me, perhaps I've let go of childish things, moved forward and grown. But we will find out.

And so it comes, the new year, the new chances, the people trying to change to a new face. I encourage and welcome the new year, not because I want to find a new me... I just want to find me. It doesn't seem a hard task, a simple and easy one, if nothing else. It's time to lift the veil and to move forward. It's time to find Kim again.